Giuliani Abandons Evangelicals; Targets Secular Vote

by: Rad Raines

NEW YORK - Republican frontrunner Rudy Giuliani unveiled his latest campaign strategy at a press conference in Midtown Manhattan on Monday.

The pro-choice, gay rights wobbler, who failed to sway conservative Christian support with his ill-fated “Ten Commandments” ad blitz late October, revealed that he will effectively abandon pursuit of the Christian vote and reach out to Atheist and Agnostic communities.

“The Christian majority obviously found my Ten Commandments campaign insincere.” Giuliani told reporters. “The negative backlash distracted attention from my heroic 911 triumphs anyway, so we quickly ditched it. 911 is my bread and butter!”

The short lived Ten Commandments crusade, which showcased Giuliani’s ten most notable political efforts joined with future policies, was scorned by most religious groups and political analysts.

“In retrospect, it may not have been a good idea to inscribe my achievements and future testaments on two stone tablets.”

Any doubt of Giuliani’s intent was affirmed during his famed October appearance in Manhattan‘s Central Park. The speech, complete with the two hefty tablets standing in the foreground, was shamelessly dubbed the “Park of the Covenant” by organizers.

A New Hope

Despite his early antics, recent polls suggest “America’s Mayor” is favored to receive the Republican nomination next September. Experts say his incessant flip flopping and Agnostic embracement do not appear to be a threat.

Longtime Giuliani consultant, Monty Steiner supports the new directive. “Rudy’s given godless skeptics a voice. This is politics - sometimes you have to sin to win!”