It was reported that Obama then feigned absent-mindedness and said, “Woops, didn’t see you there. You ought to watch out where you’re going.” Many found it curious, though, that Obama was walking in the opposite direction of the exit. He also had his coat on during the entire debate and thus had no reason to put it on as he was leaving.
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Upon leaving the stage, Obama was reportedly seen giving Joe Biden a high five.
Although the accusations currently lack the support of an official study, FDA officials say preliminary tests give reason for immediate concern and action.
“Upon our own limited internal exploration of the product, we find that further investigation is necessary.” said FDA Vice President, Charles W. Hoffman. “Our independent findings found FDA employees who sampled the cereal were more prone to racial slurs and anti-Semitic remarks than usual.”
According to court documents, two individuals have filed grievances claiming that their use of the “n” word escalated after eating Cheerios for breakfast, provoking social complications and loss of employment.
In the meantime, Cheerios has been removed from the shelves of retailers throughout the nation by request of the FDA.
A spokesperson for General Mills says the company is cooperating with the FDA and honoring it’s requests, noting that the recall was not legally enforced, but adhered to as an ethical response to yet undetermined accusations.
“We intend to fully cooperate with the FDA, despite a lack of scientific evidence to support it‘s claims. We hope this proves General Mills‘ cares for it‘s customers to the utmost degree.” said General Mills in a statement to ABC news.
General Mills is best known for it’s extensive line of cereal, baking and Pillsbury Doughboy ad campaigns.
by: Rad Raines
The pro-choice, gay rights wobbler, who failed to sway conservative Christian support with his ill-fated “Ten Commandments” ad blitz late October, revealed that he will effectively abandon pursuit of the Christian vote and reach out to Atheist and Agnostic communities.
“The Christian majority obviously found my Ten Commandments campaign insincere.” Giuliani told reporters. “The negative backlash distracted attention from my heroic 911 triumphs anyway, so we quickly ditched it. 911 is my bread and butter!”
The short lived Ten Commandments crusade, which showcased Giuliani’s ten most notable political efforts joined with future policies, was scorned by most religious groups and political analysts.
“In retrospect, it may not have been a good idea to inscribe my achievements and future testaments on two stone tablets.”
Any doubt of Giuliani’s intent was affirmed during his famed October appearance in Manhattan‘s Central Park. The speech, complete with the two hefty tablets standing in the foreground, was shamelessly dubbed the “Park of the Covenant” by organizers.
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Despite his early antics, recent polls suggest “
Longtime Giuliani consultant, Monty Steiner supports the new directive. “Rudy’s given godless skeptics a voice. This is politics - sometimes you have to sin to win!”
Waterville, ME – Local ne’er-do-well and former bouncer, Edward Pelletier, has been making a name for himself of late by starting his own electric company. His rise to prominence started inauspiciously in the summer of 2005.
“I was watching TV and some guy was talkin’ ‘bout how they can use trash to make electricity and I thought [darn] man, I got lots of trash. I should start doin’ it,” Pelletier said. “I got extension cords, plugged one end in my trash cans and the other end in my house and bam, I got electricity.”
Baffling scientists, Pelletier has managed to convert the stored energy in trash into actual usable energy. “In order to convert this energy, the trash must be combusted,” said a Professor of Physics at Colby College. “I don’t know what Mr. Pelletier is doing here but it is not as simple as he might lead you to believe.”
Said Pelletier, “I don’t know how it works. I just know it works.”
Many locals swear by it. “I couldn’t imagine living without it. I was really sick of depending on corporate electricity. I wanted some good old fashioned local electricity. Sure it might not run as smoothly as standard electricity, but that’s part of its charm,” said Jane Fuller.
Pelletier’s electricity is not without its detractors, however. Because of its high price and frequent outages, Eddie’s Electricity has not caught on among Waterville’s poorer residents.
Said longtime friend of Pelletier, Tim Dubois, “That [nogoodnik] still owes me money.”
