7.12.07

Queens Man Flies!

by: Rad Raines

NEW YORK - A Queens man, who has allegedly achieved the power of flight, was spotted overhead yesterday by patrons at a local Hess gas station in Kew Gardens, New York.

Eyewitness accounts claim the man, described as “Hispanic or Indian“, waved gingerly as he hovered above a crowd of onlookers, before zipping across Queens Blvd., and eventually vanishing into thin air.

“I felt a breeze above my head and looked up and saw him flying around!” said Boris Nevkin, one of several witnesses confirming the phenomenon. “He had on a pair of eye goggles and a small cape that barely covered his back. I didn’t see or hear any engine or ropes but it was definitely good cape weather.”

While the identity of the friendly flyer is unknown, many locals agree that he likely resides in the neighborhood.

“I’ve seen him online at Key Food [a local supermarket] and actually talked to him a couple of times. One time he was buying [like] ten boxes of Dramamine and he told me he gets airsick.” said Inna Vish, one of the onlookers.

Whether or not the mystery man will use his power for good or evil has yet to be determined, but a sharp decline in reported cat tree rescues suggests he intends to help the citizens of Queens.

Police officials and the FBI have launched a joint investigation and are currently tracing the flyer’s last known trajectory for clues to his identity.

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